National Coming Out Day was established in the late 1980s, according to the Human Rights Campaign. Today, it is celebrated each year on October 11th. For the Collingswood residents interviewed, this day brings up a range of thoughts and emotions. National Coming Out Day means living free of fear and judgement in a small community that is accepting and supportive of its neighbors—regardless of sexual orientation. It seems this unifying message is important at a time in America where minor, insignificant differences are highlighted within social and political discussion to cause diversion.
“I’ve been married to my wife Amy for 10 years,” said April Schetler who smiled during a virtual interview conducted from her home. “We have an adorable little man, Jackson who is eight.”
Schetler and her wife have lived together in Collingswood for 15 years—Amy is a schoolteacher while Schetler works for Virtua Health leading community-facing programs that provide food to those in need around Camden City. Plus, Schetler is also an adjunct professor at Rowan University’s department of nutrition.
“[National Coming Out Day] was new to me until a few years ago,” she said. “I didn’t realize it was necessary. Typically, I go back to the story when I told my mom 20 years ago. I came to appreciate that we come out all the time…
“I met a new friend, and she asked, ‘What does your husband do for work?’ In that moment, I had to explain that I am married to a woman and she’s a teacher.”
Schetler also recalled a banking application that asked for “husband’s” information when filling out the form.
“That’s what National Coming Out Day is [about],” she continued, of raising awareness. “My hope is that it could be an opportunity to share the first story, but also awareness that it’s on a weekly and monthly basis. But I am just me. We are two loving parents, and [sexual orientation] is just a side effect of everything else that I am. There is so much more to me than that…”
Brent Satterly lives in Westmont and has a Collingswood address.
“It’s not necessarily a hallmark holiday,” he started. “But it’s more like a way that people began to increase visibility for 30 to 40 years now. There’s a lot of processing around what it means to come out.
“It’s a great symbol to increase visibility about something as simple as leaning over and kissing my husband before work in the relative privacy of my car.
“There shouldn’t be any fear of getting verbally abused when I get out of the car. There should never be a worry about getting beat up for holding your husband’s hand down street. Being ‘in the closet’ can become your whole world, and it’s a lot of energy to keep a secret…
“The evolution of coming out is different for everyone. So National Coming Out Day is a way to say don’t make assumptions,” Satterly said. “Somewhere there’s a queer kid who might have to hide his truth from school or from family.”
Satterly is a social worker and teaches at Widener University.
“In my class I create an environment where people speak truths,” he said. “Individuals in my classes have beliefs and values that are anti-queer, and because I am a progressive professor, people think that I can’t connect with conservative students.
“But I have interacted with straight people my whole life. That means you must hear different points and perspectives from a wide range of value systems …
“My students need to be able to sit down with anyone.”
Mindy Leher and Abby Ruttman are a same-sex married couple with children. Ruttman recalled hearing about and celebrating National Coming Out Day in Philadelphia back in 2008.
“It was an impowering moment when everyone that felt they didn’t have voice came together at the same moment and were at the same point in their lives as everyone else around them,” said Ruttman.
Ruttman and Leher had two different experiences when “coming out.”
“My family was completely fine,” shared Leher. “But Abby …she didn’t have a great reaction from her family. So [National Coming Out Day] brings together so many people who might not be your friends or family—but they are people who support this lifestyle.
“So, there is a family that will rally behind you—even if it’s not your blood relative.”
The same message has spread from community to community — and Collingswood is one example of the movement.
“This town is out and gay friendly,” said Leher. “It’s a beautiful community of people that are accepting of gay families. There are other same-sex families with kids. We have straight friends and gay friends. So, it’s nice how open and easy it is throughout our town.”
Each interview respondent remarked about how much they adored the Collingswood community.
“I love it here,” finished Schetler. “We’re not perfect, but we’re a very open, progressive, and tight-knit community. I never feel like I don’t belong when I am walking down the street holding hands with my wife and son. I am grateful to raise him in this community.”
Satterly addressed his preconceived notions when moving from rural Pennsylvania into South Jersey.
“Traditionally, Haddon Township and Collingswood are very conservative,” Satterly said. “When my husband and I moved in, my mother-in-law asked, ‘Are you sure?’
But “never get between New Jersey soccer moms and justice,” Satterly recalled of an equity initiative in the area led by local parents.
“A bunch of moms got together and said, ‘This hatred is not OK… We don’t like this,’ he said. “It led to the first Haddon Township Pride march. Last year, we had over 1,000 people marching. I walked down my street in full drag as part of the parade with pride flags on more than half of the houses throughout my street.
“This visibility creates a welcoming and safe neighborhood. Is homophobia gone? No. But people have visibility, and the community is in solidarity to counter negative messages, to go to school meetings. So, Coming Out Day is very important…”
National Coming Out Day holds deep significance, as it marks an important milestone in the mental and emotional well-being of many individuals, said Philip “Pip” Haxby-Thompson.
“Living authentically—whether with ourselves, our families, or our friends—is crucial to personal happiness and fulfillment,” he said. “For me, coming out isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process. Even though I live as my true self now, I often find myself having to “come out” again when others misidentify my sexual orientation.
“Each time, I have to gauge how the person I’m speaking with will react, and it’s surprising how feelings of shame and embarrassment can still creep up in those moments.”
Haxby-Thompson’s personal journey with coming out was difficult.
“Though my relationship with my mom is good now, her initial reaction to my coming out as gay was anything but accepting,” he said. “It took years of therapy for me to navigate the complex feelings of shame and self-doubt that came with that experience.
“Part of why I’m so involved in our local Pride events is because I want to help create an environment where everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, feels loved and accepted.
“It’s incredibly heartwarming to see so many parents in our community embracing their LGBTQ kids, but I also know that’s not the reality for everyone,” Haxby-Thompson continued. “I’ve been told to ‘tone it down’ or to ‘be less gay,’ and it’s taken me a long time to reach a place where I feel both comfortable and confident in my identity.
“While my sexual orientation doesn’t completely define me, it is an important part of who I am, and I’ve learned to embrace that without shame.”
Ultimately, Haxby-Thompson believes the significance of National Coming Out Day extends especially to the parents of LGBTQ youth.
“It’s an opportunity to remind them to show unconditional love to their children, regardless of orientation, identity, or expression,” he said. “Many of us already carry a heavy burden of shame, and it’s vital not to add to that weight. Acceptance can make all the difference.
“One of the reasons we chose to work in the 08108 area is the vibrant and welcoming LGBTQ community that lives and works here.
“This sense of inclusivity and connection drew us in, and when we finally made the move to Haddon Township in 2023, we were incredibly proud to call it our home.”
